When Your Bottom Has Major Depressive Disorder

Although the following points can be applied to anyone with Clinical Depression, or Situational Depression, MDD is characterized by repeated depressive episodes with short periods of relief.

· It's not about you. MDD is primarily a biochemical malfunction, and the sufferer tends to be triggered into depressive episodes very easily. Don't make it a personal issue when your bottom is depressed.

· Frequently, persons with MDD do not want to be coddled or left alone until they are well. This is a pervasive and persistent illness, and so encouraging them to engage in life (in this instance, kink and sex in particular) is usually welcome. Letting them know that you'll take their emotional state into consideration is useful.

· Chronic pain can be a symptom of MDD, as is heightened sensitivity. When depression is at its worst, you may want to play lighter and more sensually than other times. Be aware of where your bottom's pain (both physical and emotional) resides and do what you can to keep from exacerbating it. Remember that kinky sex doesn't have to have pain elements in it all of the time -- knife play, sensual play, light bondage, role play, and the like can all take place when someone is suffering from heightened skin sensitivity to great result.

· Persons with MDD also crave bigger, louder, more consuming experiences as a coping mechanism to escape depression. Negotiate these catharses heavily -- there will be an emotional release, and it may be bigger and messier than you're prepared for.

· Many of the commons drug treatments for depression suppress or lower the sex drive. Even if your bottom is feeing non-sexual, it's important to emphasize that you still find them attractive and think about doing sexy things to them. It's a hard line to toe, though, because you also want to make certain that reminders don't turn into pressure to perform. There will be times where your bottom will be completely disinterested in sex or play. This really isn't personal, and taking it personally when it's not makes things much worse for the bottom.

· Although some (usually younger) persons with MDD will eventually develop some form of Bipolar Disorder, learn to recognize the difference between mania and being okay. When you're used to someone feeling sad and depressed and lethargic all the time, normalcy may come across like mania -- but the two are very different. You may want to read "When Your Bottom Has Bipolar Disorder" to inform yourself about playing with people with mania.

· Seek out support for partners of people with depression. It's a difficult road, and knowing that you're not alone is incredibly helpful.

· Negotiate, negotiate, negotiate. People with persistent depression tend towards the road of least resistance, which means that something they agreed to a month ago may have been an attempt to placate the Top, and not something they actually enjoy. With reduced tolerances and a reduced ability to initiate conversation that may be uncomfortable, it's useful to have regular "dates" scheduled to discuss your play, where it is, where it's going, what works and what doesn't.

· Recent studies are showing that meditation techniques, some of which are easily incorporated into BDSM, can be useful to someone suffering from depression. Simple breathing exercises, systematic muscle relaxing, mindfulness, tantric breathing, and many other techniques are frequently taught as part of BDSM; seek these out and use them as a part of your play.