Care and Handling of the Autistic-Spectrum-Disorder S-Type

by Raven Kaldera & Joshua Tenpenny

Structure and Rules

This is reprinted from Broken Toys: Submissives with Mental Illness and Neurological Dysfunctionedited by Del Tashlin & Raven Kaldera.

Raven:

This, again, will vary depending on your ASD type. Some love and crave structure and rules, some don’t. My slaveboy craves it so much that he’s considered going into a monastery, except that he wasn’t actually practicing the religion of the monasteries he’d gazed at longingly. (And he likes sex an awful lot, and he’s queer, and - anyway.) I wasn’t structured enough for him - he longed for a micromanaging dominant who would keep him on a strict, unchanging schedule. Instead, he got me, and he copes as well as he can.

When I’ve spoken to ASD s-types in the past, a majority of them spoke about how they loved the narrow, structured life of slavery. Rules gave them comfort, unlike ambiguous social and life situations where they are expected to guess - and guess wrong all too often. Many also lauded the state of having one’s basic decisions made for one - what to wear, how to walk, how to keep one’s hair and nails, what to say to please their partner. Figuring those things out by themselves, often on the fly, was stressful enough that they would rather give up their choices and lay the decisions on someone else. (I remember Joshua’s pleasure when I got him “uniforms” and told him what situations were acceptable for which ones; it meant that he would never again have to navigate the “What clothing is appropriate for this party/work/social occasion? I have no idea!” nightmare.) If they can learn to enjoy the emotional state of surrender (or already enjoy it quite a bit, thank you very much), this love of rules and structure can make them much more obedient than many other subs or slaves.

Of course, not all masters live lives of strict discipline, and order - I certainly don’t - but giving him rules and protocols makes him feel secure, not restricted. That’s definitely a plus in my book, and it makes for an exceptionally obedient slave. Other masters have commented wonderingly on how absolutely obedient he is; I smile and wonder how to tell them that his well-behaved rule-following probably has a lot less to do with my power as a master than his ASD-induced love of following rules.

One of the fundamental desires of any s-type is to clearly know what is expected of them in order to do their job correctly. Vagueness and inconsistency in this area can upset any of them, but for an ASD sub or slave it is downright terrifying. It’s more than a desire for them; it’s a deep need, and one that a master shoots themselves in the foot by deliberately undercutting. On the positive side, though, I’ve found that unless they are also carrying a heavy burden of old PTSD and/or have an additional untreated neurochemical mental illness, most ASD s-types are very good at taking constructive criticism in a positive way, especially if it is given in an emotionally neutral way (and they believe they have the ability to eventually succeed at it). Once they’ve been assured that it is simply an assessment and not an attack, they will usually be able to calmly take it as such, and work with it. That’s another very positive side effect that masters may enjoy.

Joshua:

I would love having one of those masters who wants you to put a specific number of ice cubes in his glass, and insisted the table be set with utensils carefully aligned exactly one inch from the table edge. That would make me so happy! I dreamed about having one who would put me through all sorts of formal protocol, and my challenge would be to master that discipline. Instead I have a master who is training me in how to be kind, loving, respectful, and skillful at social situations, as much as possible. It wasn’t what I expected at all, but I am so much better for it. These skills are more difficult, because they are softer, but I can now teach in public as his co-presenter and hold down a career requiring a lot of people skills because of it. 

Continued: Emotional Expression